1. Design Roulette: It’s like playing Russian roulette, but with tattoo designs. Choose your ink wisely because, unlike a bad Tinder date, this one’s sticking around for a while.
2. Hydrate or Desiccate: Your skin’s gonna feel like a dried-up raisin if you don’t hydrate, so drink water like it’s your last meal – or at least until your tattoo appointment.
3. Sleep Is for the Weak: Who needs beauty sleep when you can have dark circles under your eyes like a raccoon on a bender? Get ready to look like a tired goth kid for a while – it’s all part of the aesthetic.
4. Eat Your Feelings (But Not Your Arm): Chow down on a hearty meal before your appointment to keep your stomach from growling louder than your tattoo machine. Just remember, you’re not a snack – you’re the main course.
5. Bring Your Human Shield: Friends are like human shields against the pain and existential dread of getting a tattoo. Plus, they make great scapegoats for any questionable decisions you make while under the needle.
6. Pain Is Temporary, Regret Is Forever: Embrace the pain like a masochistic martyr because, let’s face it, life is pain and tattoos are just another reminder of our inevitable demise. But hey, at least you’ll look badass while you suffer.
7. Laugh in the Face of Death (Or at Least Cry Quietly): Getting a tattoo is like staring into the void and laughing because, really, what else are you gonna do? Just remember, pain is temporary, but tattoos are forever – so make sure you’ve got a killer punchline to go with your new ink.
Remember, dark humor is like a tattoo – not everyone gets it, but for those who do, it’s a beautiful thing. So embrace the darkness, laugh in the face of pain, and get ready to rock that new tattoo like the grim reaper’s personal billboard.
